End Of The Beginning.

As if I just stole a 30STM title! ;] Its the perfect way to describe today though. I have left school, and now I'll only go in for exams ... So, in a way this is the end of the beginning of my life. Ive spent the past almost 14 FREAKIN' YEARS in school preparing for this moment, the moment I get chucked into the real world and begin life. And now its here Im not entirely sure how I feel. If you've already left school, what was is it like for you? Is there supposed to be this gaping hole left behind? I think this all would be a whole lot easier if I wasnt facing it alone. But all my friends are staying on at our high school to do IB together, and I m going college alone. I havent had to make friends by myself, without knowing ANYONE since I was 2 in nursery. And when you're that young, its not even thinking is it? Everyones your friend. But now, theres this fear of rejection, of judgement and being pushed away and alone. And thats just when Im around people I already know, so god knows how I'll cope with strangers.
I dont think the cataclysm of the things ahead has hit me yet. I still feel like college and independence are a million years away, but I know pretty soon its gonna sneak up and slap me in the face. The thought of which is terrifying, as me and independence /really/ don't mix. Im really not very good at being grown up. I still feel like such a child, and I rely on other people a lot, so lord knows what Im going to do over the next few years as I begin my less than graceful ascent into adulthood. I say ascent, but we all know its downhill from here .... :']
ANYWAY, this all sounds miserable, but I am excited about college and meeting new people, its just getting over that first hurdle, isnt it? After that, Im sure I'll be fine. Its not like Im the only one to ever leave school and go to college, if everyone else can survive so can I.
If you've in the same boat as me ... Just remember; even if you're not a believer in 'one door closes, another door opens' thats what you could turn this into. See it as an oppertunity to start fresh ('cause lets face it, its half way through the year and we're all feeling a bit like that now, arent we) and learn from everything that high school taught you, not just education wise but socially also. And besides, NOTHING can be worse than the torment of high school, right? ;]
At least thats what Im telling myself :]
Anywho, this is Babbit, over and out <3