Many Minds A-Muttering.

I'll start by asking a question. Im hoping some people will say 'yes.'
No, its not marriage ;]
Its this;
Does your brain have full blown arguments with itself? Like, the uh ... Voices ... You have no control over what they say, its literally like theres random people in your head ... ?
If you're not reading this and thinking 'what the dog muck is she on' then thats a good start.
Because basically, I realised that my head natters away to itself without any input from *me*, like the voice I hear now as I type this, that voice doesnt isnt whats arguing. I'll give an example before someone rings the mental police on me.
Last night I was feeling a little confused (not really anything new there then) and my head was having this conversation with itself:
'Pleasepleaseplease dont be all bi polar with me ... But its okay for me to be bi polar with you ... Is that what I do? ... Thats terrible ... But Im allowed to do it ... No, why am I allowed, its not fair to make people feel like that. It doesnt feel like that when I do it.'
And then I literally realised I was talking to myself. Even in my head I was suddenly thinking 'who the fuck is that in my head?!' .... Thats just one of the more sane conversations Ive intercepted. Sometimes my head spews such utter abuse at itself, I get seriously scared o.o
I know everyone has that inner voice, but does everyones seem so disconnected? Its so hard to explain! Even though its referring to me as me, it really is just like theres some random person all up in my brain.
So yeah ... Am I alone in this :s?

Dangerous dreams ... o.o

So as I said I'll write about my dreams on here instead of clogging Twitter with awful randomness.
I had a dream the other day, I dont remember much apart from the fact that it was r e a l l y long, and one section in the middle stuck with me.
 I was in this place, somewhere thats popped up a few times in my dreams, and its kinda hard to explain. It feels like Im in a house, and something about it reminds me of my nans house, but its actually like a coast. I think its the beach from Ireland that I went to yeeeaaars ago. Anyway, I say it was a coast but the shore was tiny, like the whole ocean had been shrunk and the water didnt look much deeper than a puddle. It was one of those weird dream things where it was massive and tiny at the same time O.o I stood at the edge and there was a little drop off the sand into where the water started. I was talking to my mum who was behind me and the sand just suddenly completely sunk under my feet and I slid into the water which was now incredibly deep, but I could still touch the floor. I tried pushing up against the sand to reach the surface of the water but it was molding round my feet and sucking me down like quick sand. Then someone jumped in, I think it was a girl, someone who I vaguely recognised but I'd already kind of passed out. They dragged me out (leaving shreds of my legs behind in the sand, which was kind of unsettling to say the least) and pulled me onto the other side of the shore then sunk away into sand ....
So yeah. I have no idea whats about, if you've got any ideas do tell :'] I think it has something to do with the fact that I cant stop thinking about the sea lately. I love being on the coast and I havent been there in a long while and its driving me slightly insane. My dream seems to be warning me against the sand though o.o maybe its a prophetical dream? Who knows.

End Of The Beginning.

As if I just stole a 30STM title! ;] Its the perfect way to describe today though. I have left school, and now I'll only go in for exams ... So, in a way this is the end of the beginning of my life. Ive spent the past almost 14 FREAKIN' YEARS in school preparing for this moment, the moment I get chucked into the real world and begin life. And now its here Im not entirely sure how I feel. If you've already left school, what was is it like for you? Is there supposed to be this gaping hole left behind? I think this all would be a whole lot easier if I wasnt facing it alone. But all my friends are staying on at our high school to do IB together, and I m going college alone. I havent had to make friends by myself, without knowing ANYONE since I was 2 in nursery. And when you're that young, its not even thinking is it? Everyones your friend. But now, theres this fear of rejection, of judgement and being pushed away and alone. And thats just when Im around people I already know, so god knows how I'll cope with strangers.
I dont think the cataclysm of the things ahead has hit me yet. I still feel like college and independence are a million years away, but I know pretty soon its gonna sneak up and slap me in the face. The thought of which is terrifying, as me and independence /really/ don't mix. Im really not very good at being grown up. I still feel like such a child, and I rely on other people a lot, so lord knows what Im going to do over the next few years as I begin my less than graceful ascent into adulthood. I say ascent, but we all know its downhill from here .... :']
ANYWAY, this all sounds miserable, but I am excited about college and meeting new people, its just getting over that first hurdle, isnt it? After that, Im sure I'll be fine. Its not like Im the only one to ever leave school and go to college, if everyone else can survive so can I.
If you've in the same boat as me ... Just remember; even if you're not a believer in 'one door closes, another door opens' thats what you could turn this into. See it as an oppertunity to start fresh ('cause lets face it, its half way through the year and we're all feeling a bit like that now, arent we) and learn from everything that high school taught you, not just education wise but socially also. And besides, NOTHING can be worse than the torment of high school, right? ;]
At least thats what Im telling myself :]
Anywho, this is Babbit, over and out <3

Howdy sugar lumps

SO. I finally decided to stop clogging up twitter with my rants and get a blog! Hallelujah! Ive no idea how this works, Ive already spent the past hour confused, and I will be very surprised if people take noticed of this, but hey, its a good way to vent right? So I'll start with a bit about me ...

My real name's Callie, incase some people didnt know ... But I'd rather be known as Babbit. Theres a story behind it, but it isnt very interesting.

I live in a tiny house on a council estate in a very confused part of London, where we have cows living merrily along side a major motor way. I dont resent this, it would seem we have the best of both worlds. Plus we have THE most beautiful views here, the sunsets are soul lifting.

The main thing about me is that music is my entire life. Every thought, every action, e v e r y t h i n g I am is in someway music orientated. I believe music could heal the most damaged of spirits, and in the furture all I want is to be on a stage. I dont care if its infront of 10 people or 10,000, I just know I could never sustain a normal life. I want to make music and make people feel the things musics made me feel. The only problem with this is I have no idea how to go about it. I dont know any other people who play instruments or write music or anything so I feel like Im in it alone. And Ive no idea where to start.

Anyway, Im hoping this will all change with college. If not then ... Well.

I also have a thing for writing ... Ive just recently got the guts to post some of my stuff on DeviantArt, and Ive got a lot of good feedback, which have boosted my confidence unimaginably so ...

ALSO. I plan on setting up my own clothing business. Y'know, DBNO style thing? Except, Im not already famous :'] So I've got a lot of plans, its just ... Getting round to it all.



If you actually read that, I love you. I hope to see you in future mumbles ... Who knows ... You could be in them ;]